Introducing God to my inner children

Many years ago I was introduced to timeline work where I would go back to traumatized versions of myself as the higher self to work to bring that piece back into wholeness. Many years later I can see now that my current process is learning how to introduce these broken parts back to God - as I was finding that my human self could only really provide a lot of love, understanding, and validation based on my current level of understanding. Though I find those things to be super valuable - God was still missing and I feel this piece brings me into the next step to wholeness. This is just my personal perspective as I found that I kept having to return to the same traumatizing moments in life from different angles and could never fully move forward. This is a new process I am exploring as I lean into curiosity around if it is even possible to move forward without constant memory overlaying on my present moment.

I want to mention my experience with God is not attached to a religion at all. Though I have a deep connection to Christ - Christ is not even attached to a religion and has 0 to do with any biblical history and to be honest, no one taught me about God or Religion or anything growing up which is something that I am grateful for. So this may be experienced very differently for those that have strong beliefs around what God is.

This letter/prayer/conversation is read to these lil loud kicking and screaming versions of myself in moments where triggers feel bigger than I am currently. The easiest way to explain this is feeling emotions and feelings SO BIG that I want to move in a way that would cause me or my life harm. This might feel like a given to a well-balanced adult - but can also show up in sneaky ways subconsciously for others. It is a focus of mine to develop responsiveness to what is present to develop a life of true freedom and resolve the underlying pieces of my consciousness that want to sabotage or destruct what it is what I truly want to experience.

Anyway, hope this helps you today <3

A letter and prayer with God to my inner children and inner ancients.

To experiment with this yourself - I recommend being in a quiet space where you can speak outloud or in silence without being interrupted. It may even be great in a moment where you are triggered and can be used as a de escalation tool.

Each written word is from my current self, TO the younger/wounded aspects of myself self that are "up" "active." the space in between is when the child is expressing to me. If you are using this as a practice, be ready and willing to listen to what comes up within those spaces. The words afterwards are my responses. This is a real convo that I experienced so feel free to copy and paste making your own convo or simply reading it thru ones and opening a container with yourself to have a similar convo that makes more sense for you.

I can see another way of using this as pretending it is a story book with fictional characters and allowing yourself to be in a space of compassion and imagination as you read. Do you.

My intention is to share my perspective of the reintegration of fragmented selves through the lens of introducing God to them.

Hello there, hi

I hear you now

I am here with you

I am listening

I am holding you

I'm asking God to be with us now, and God will hold me as I hold you

I want to let you know that I hear you and I feel you

It is ok for you to kick and scream now, I'm here holding you and so is God

I remember being you and I feel that deeply and I hear you loudly and I hope you can feel me there too

I just want you to know that God is here with us now, even when you can't see or feel me

I know that you feel lost, confused, hurt, betrayed, abandoned, thrown away, isolated

I feel that and I remember that

and I am here with you right now holding you so keep feeling, it is safe to feel now

I know that you feel that I abandoned you, I feel the pain that can be labeled a million words

I feel that sometimes

And now God is with me

and I want you to know God too

I didn't know that I was broken when I was you, I had assumed the world apart from me was perfect

When I was you I made everything about me, the world around me happened because I was flawed, not enough, unloveable, unworthy, damaged

It was me that believed those things and it caused you pain and I hear that

There are a million things you want to say to others that have hurt you and hurt me

I have thought the worst scenerios in the darkest of hours thinking that if only others have known what they have done to you and the impact and result of it that maybe just maybe I would heal

I remember those things that you are feeling right now

And I want you to know that God is here with us right now and it is safe to soften and rest your fists and your jaw and your face because what you feel right now is perfect but you are strong enough now to feel more fully and look underneath the armor

God wants to help me show you that you don't have to hide this wound anymore

Do you feel like you can remove any piece of armor and show me what hurts?

Ahhhh... I see... ouchies that looks icky and hurty

I see why you were fighting, and I wish I could have been there for you sooner.

I want to let you know that I have heard you the many times you have called for me - I too am wounded and I couldn't help myself. I would hear you and feel too weak to help... I really only knew how to fight - just like you

But I'm here now and so is God and we are going to help now

I'm listening

I'm here

and so is God

Keep feeling, keep talking, keep unraveling - every single thing you say feel and show me is perfect and I WANT to be here with you and it is safe for you to act and feel each thing that you say think or feel or express

I know it is easy to shut down and feel alone. I remember that. I still feel that sometimes. Being hurt a lot by people makes it feel like we have to fear the people we love and hide sometimes and we did that a lot so it's easier. Can I come closer?

Do you think it would be ok if I felt your hand and started to clean up this wound? I will be gentle.

I want you to know that I feel what you feel and though I may not understand, I am here with you and I love you.

I know you feel that I have betrayed you and neglected you. When I was you, I felt alone, isolated, unloveable, forgotten by everyone around.

Would you believe me if I said that God was always there?

I know.. I know.. it sounds complicated and you don't believe me

I hear you and feel you and this wound is healing don't you see? look at it.. already less red and almost all the dirt and icky stuff is out of it... it's going to take time but so far so good

Ok, so hear me out

God was always here with us

It feels like all the hurt that you felt for me, you felt for God when I mentioned that we weren't alone all those times

I feel God with us now... I didn't feel God with us back then

but that doesn't mean God wasn't there

You know how you felt about the world being against you and everyone out to get you and all you wanted was love? we have many stories that proved this theory

How do you think that someone like that could survive without a guardian angel?

I felt that it was unfair too... sometimes I still do

I looked at others' lives and always thought that too, "If only I had what they had, a parent that they had, a friend that they have.... maybe then Id be ok"

I felt that my whole life and sometimes still do...

God is teaching me how everything had to be exactly as it was

When you get older, you'll see it too and you'll see it much sooner the more we talk together and let God be here with us

Yeah, I know, I can get confused too.

I want you to know that I am here.

And I hear you and I feel you and I want you to keep coming to me.

If I don't answer, it isn't because I don't love you - it is because I am broken too just doing my best.

I want you to know that God is here with us, and if I don't answer, in fact even if I do! I want you to know that God is there and wants you to reach out.

God wanted me to let you know that even if you are angry, hateful, sad, confused, that God wants to be there with you.

God also wanted me to let you know that when you are happy and enjoying yourself - that God loves to hear from you then too.

God wanted me to let you know that even in the darkest of times when it's easier to hide or want to die - that God is there.

God wanted me to let you know that God feels, looks, and is sensed as many different experiences... one day you feel a strong hug around you that is invisible... the next day may be in your dreams as a rainbow... or in the eyes of a child that you meet in a time of need... or in the sky as a cloud that looks like a giraffee. If God speaks english to you one day - God might speak chinese the next day. God will always speak in the way you are meant to feel and see that day... and God wants you to live... but not live life for you and give you all the answers to everything but will always show you what you need, as long as you are willing to see. I know. that's big kid stuff but I promise it's true.

God wants you to know that when you feel the most hopeless, the most lost, even when you hate everything that God will always be there and will never leave, even if you think you found the best hiding spot to hide from the world and want God to leave.

God hears, sees, feels every single thing and sees it all as perfect. Please don't mistake God for your friends and your family and others who have hurt you. But when you do, it's ok, God doesn't take it personal and will help you when you want it but will never force you to do anything.

I see a little sparkle in your eyes... I see confusion too but uh... I can't help but feel that you are curious of this God that I speak of and it looks like you have so many questions

I love when I can see you be curious

I love when you share your hurt with me too

Doesn't it feel a tiny bit better? Don't you feel stronger? Look at you being all strong and feely and stuff

you're even being curious, doesn't it feel good to wonder something new? It can be scary too... to not know everything... but doesn't it also feel good to know that we don't know everything?

I can't answer all your questions... I ask the same questions to God now too because if you would believe it - sometimes I feel like I know everything and then I get hurt and then talk to God and I'm like WOW... I feel like a kid all over again :)

I know you don't have to believe me but I see that little spark which means your little wheels are turning and you're open to experimenting because you LOVE to play and learn

So next time you call for me and you call for God and you feel lost - put your hands together and talk. ask for what it is you think you need or feel. To be honest, anything goes. You can in a moment simply just remember this spark or a peice of this convo. Even look at a flower or the sky or something beautiful... you may not even realize why you are doing what you are doing but you will remember this and you will eventually remember that it is God that you are feeling and sensing.

You may not call it God but that's just what I call it - but the more you do this the more you will remember the truth. And the truth is never the thing that you feel first when you are hurt.

But what you will find is that you will eventually find that it is safe to feel things and it is safe for you to be here and things suddenly little by little make sense... you become stronger and you can't explain it

and it always looks and feels different... but just be honest

be honest with the flower, be honest about your struggles and your pain and your joys

not long after you will always find the real you... not what the pain says you are, the people, the world says you are...

I just want you to know that I am here. That God is here. and you that you have never been Forgotten. I want you to know that God says that you are one of it's strongest children and that God is so proud of you for being here and that God has enjoyed each and every moment that you have lived and has seen who you become as you get bigger and wow... Just wow.

Do you think you can do something for me before I go? ok... I'm going to hug you now.

I want you to imagine, in your heart, right here between us.

Imagine with me in this space in our hearts that are touching... right here in the middle of our chest. what if right inside there was a power bigger than the Earth, bigger than the universe, even bigger than all the universes if there were more than one. And what if that power was a light and it was who I mentioned was God, and this God loves you more than anything in ALL of the worlds and universes combined, no matter what, no matter if you believe it or not. I want you to see that right now even if you don't know what it means... just pretend :)

What does it look like to you? A rainbow? A star? a bunny? it can be anything...

That's perfect.... how does that feel? I can feel that you feel it because I feel it in my heart, too.

This feeling may be for this moment, for days, years... or a split second. Just know that no matter what - it is always here and it can never fully leave you.

I'm going to go now.

Look at you, all glowy and what not... I love seeing you so happy - this is how you were meant to live! you are ready to play now!

One more hug.... and remember, I am here, God is here, you were never Forgotten, and you are strong. Remember, God wants to hear everything and is so proud of you and so am I. Now go into that tunnel of light.

I love you

<3